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Sunday, June 28, 2015

MOVIE REVIEW Ted 2
 The Only Bear That Should Be Extinct


Jessica Barth as Tami-Lynn, and Ted, voiced by "Ted 2" director Seth MacFarlane.  Universal Pictures  
       
by Omar P.L. Moore/PopcornReel.com        Follow popcornreel on Twitter FOLLOW                                           
Sunday, June 28, 2015

There’s bad taste done very well (anything by John Waters) and there’s bad taste done horrendously.  “Ted 2” fits the latter category.  Seth McFarlane’s lazy, cheap and mean-spirited hate-everything-in-its-path sequel is the one of the nadirs thus far in 2015.

There’s never a break from the spite, the racist remarks and stereotypes, sexist and anti-gay sentiment or clumsy, expedient sight gags.  “Ted 2”, which sees the title character claiming personhood and seeking civil rights, tries to make analogies about Black people and gay people with teddy bears.  Mr. MacFarlane, who voices Ted, squeezes blood from spikes for laughs, and got mostly robotic ones from the laugh-track sounding audience I was with.  But I think the director was very serious about seeking laughs with this poor excuse for material.

“Ted 2” isn’t smart enough to be funny so any laugh it registers comes by trolling for the basest, crassest things.  That’s always been Mr. MacFarlane’s M.O.  His peanut gallery shtick isn’t even shock-humor — it’s pure spitfire assault.  The invective from the film’s cantankerous bear rarely lets up.  The pounding assault that is “Ted 2” comes with the fury and decibels of a pneumatic drill.  Each skit distracts from the main lame story: Ted wants to marry girlfriend Tami-Lynn (Jessica Barth) but cannot.  He also wants to adopt.  He's barred.  Enraged, Ted goes to court in Boston with attorney Sam L. Jackson (Amanda Seyfried) to litigate for his “rights” as a "person".  Ted’s “thunder buddy” John (Mark Wahlberg), now a bachelor, still runs through walls for him, including donating sperm for Ted’s future kid.  A sojourn to a sperm storage area will only end one way.

Some of the worst comedians at The Apollo Theater would be more entertaining and funny than exasperated “Ted 2” was.  The same “Ted” villain (Giovanni Ribisi) returns to purloin Ted, fueled by a toy company executive who wants to boost his profits. Aside from everything else, “Ted 2” was just plain stale.  There was no imagination in this sequel, which constitutes the true definition of a money grab.  Even its homage to 1980s films left me cold.  Overall, much of what you see in “Ted 2” is what you might expect to endure at a fraternity initiation.  "Ted 2" fits right in with the genre of angry, overcharged white male juvenile comedy that has often stifled and profited in Hollywood.

The lowest common denominator of comedy for Mr. MacFarlane is stab, jab and impale the audience with hate.  The director’s fans — and there are many — will appreciate “Ted 2” because they appreciate his brand of filth and squalor.  The deeper the director sticks his hand down a sewer the harder they will laugh.  An ostrich can see that.  But for the rest of us talent is required.

Morgan Freeman, who needs this film far less than it needs him, appears in “Ted 2” as a high-powered, greatly-esteemed attorney, yet he’s made to look foolish as his character does an about-face in one scene that left me thinking: huh?  And why did near 10% of the film center on New York Comic-Con, aside some possible endorsement reason?  Those scenes don’t register at all.  Throughout, “Ted 2” is distracted from itself, choking on its bile and swill.  When all your film has is thin material for 100-plus minutes you’re in big fat trouble.  (I hadn’t known I’d missed the first 15 minutes of “Ted 2” but something tells me I didn't miss much at all.)

Small-minded comedy is good when points exist to be made but the difference with “Ted 2” is that there’s no point at all.

Also with: John Carroll Lynch.

“Ted 2” is rated R by the Motion Picture Association Of America for crude and sexual content, pervasive language, and some drug use.  The film’s running time is one hour and 48 minutes.
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